umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it because I queefed?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
