im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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