i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
