I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
