So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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