To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I will be naked everywhere
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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