I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
