hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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