i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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