My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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