Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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