I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
