We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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