i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
