if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
