we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
