It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You work out of a Hotel?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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