Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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