It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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