Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you made out with another girl for some wings
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
