Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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