my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's never too late to be topless.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
