3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
