i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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