my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
In America we eat man semen.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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