the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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