there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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