Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
