im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize