By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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