Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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