I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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