I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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