I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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