its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
