just come out here and I will go home with you...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
