My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
