When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
