it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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