that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
