thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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