Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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