R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize