marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
