there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
