I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
