This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
