I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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