Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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