hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
