Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
