Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
