i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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