i just had sex bonerless
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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