Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
