it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
