And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
