new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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