I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
