but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
