I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
