I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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