Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
