Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
