Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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