Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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