Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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