I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
