I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
