You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
