we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
